Just do it

I was a bossy child. And I can be quite bossy now. My favourite job in journalism is news-editing, a job that legitimately allows you to boss around loads of people, including men and women far more talented and experienced than yourself. Oh, the joy of it. Four hundred words now, you lazy old hack, and if they are good enough I might put them in the paper.
According to my husband I am  'the world's softest parent', but my children know that if I say something loud and angrily, six or seven times, then I must be obeyed or something horrible will happen  - cricket practice will be cancelled say, or Heat magazine confiscated.
Mostly I try and curb my bossy side when writing this blog. I believe in the subtle soft sell, rather than yelling 'Buy my books! Review them on Amazon! Tell all your friends!' at my lovely readers. But it's half term, I have a book to write, children at home, a load of washing and ironing to do before heading for the Hay Festival (I'm speaking on Saturday along with Peter Cocks, tickets here...is anyone going to be there? Not sure if I'm more nervous about a full auditorium or an empty one).
So, the mask has slipped. Today I'm being bossy and horrible and telling you what to do. Disobey me and...and...you won't be watching Britain's Got Talent. I'll tell the guy who manages the cricket team that you are not allowed to try out as wicket keeper.More importantly, you may never achieve your dreams.
Right, here are your instructions. If you're someone who thinks that maybe, someday, sooner or later you want to write a book and get it  published, then buy Write to be Published by Nicola Morgan. Do it now. Click on this link  and place your order.
Done it? Why not? Do it now.  If you're looking for a present for someone who's an aspiring author, then buy it for them. And even if you've got no interest in being published (0.01% of the populations, as far as I can work out) then you may wish to buy it anyway, because it's an excellent read and you'll be able to throw it at anyone who tells you they're about to self-publish and become the next J K Rowling.
I can hear you muttering rebelliously (and that's quite enough of that cheeky behaviour). Why? Why should I buy this book just because you say so?  It's written by one of your mates, isn't it?
Well now. Write to be Published is written with wit, wisdom and immense authority. Nicola was herself an aspiring writer for  21 years, and since her first book came out in 1996 she has had 90 books published. She was Chair of the Society of Authors in Scotland. She has a writing consultancy, a well-read blog with a fanatical following, she has spoken at many workshops and festivals, she knows editors and agents and writers. She is the expert's expert. She knows her stuff.
But why do I have to buy her book, you whine. Why can't I get it all for free on her blog? I mean...I hardly pay for anything any more...
The blog is great. Follow it now. But the book is a different experience. You've got everything in one place, ordered, easy to find, up-dated and clear. Plus, actually buying the book, investing just over £7 (or just over £10 to get a signed copy from Nicola herself)  is a way of thanking Nicola for her generosity in sharing all this knowledge with you. There's a lot of  misleading old rubbish out there on the internet, and Nicola's pure gold.  She didn't have to give out good advice, she could have stamped on your dreams by telling you to write to agents in rhyme or send them toffees. She wants you to succeed. It's only fair enough to reciprocate.And you'd be daft to miss out.
Nicola cultivates a persona on her blog of beng a crabbit old bat -  a nasty, bossy, haranguing sort of person, who will shout at silly people who make mistakes until they see where they are going wrong. A Miss Jean Brodie kind of blog (Nicola is one of those sensible English people who has chosen to live in Scotland). In real life she's not bossy and horrible at all. She's lovely. Unlike me. What are you waiting for? It's for your own good.